


@Universe, Why? -Sincerely, Peter Parker

by KaterinaRiley



Category: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) - Fandom, Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Thor (Movies)
Genre: (technically) - Freeform, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Honestly This is All Pure and Utter Crack, Humor, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Quill is a Little Shit, Peter is a Little Shit, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Really ADHD Writing, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 13:59:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18718477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaterinaRiley/pseuds/KaterinaRiley
Summary: Sometime after Endgame and before Far From Home, Peter is taking a history test and praying everything is just boring for one day. Just one.Of course, that doesn't happen.--Peter groaned. “You guys do know that a secret identity is supposed to be, oh, I don’t know, asecret?”“Well, what’s the fun in that?” Quill asked, frowning.“Yes, that does not sound fun,” Drax said.Thor walked back to the group, patting Peter’s shoe. “It’s definitely much more fun for everyone to know who you are.”Rocket hummed, looking at him face-to-face, which he could do since Peter was stillupside-down. “Eh, I don’t know guys. Maybe the kid has a point. If everyone knows who you are, it’s so much harder to steal stuff.”“I don’t steal stuff!”“But youcould.”“That’s not the point of this!” Quill shouted.





	@Universe, Why? -Sincerely, Peter Parker

**Author's Note:**

> Came up with this idea in the shower and couldn't let it go...
> 
> (i know this won't get any attention but fuck it im posting it anyways cuz why the fuck not if i don't write for me no one will so yeah)

All Peter wanted to do today was ace his history test, go home, and sleep.

No bad guys, no aliens, no anything that wasn't acing his history test and going to sleep.

Unfortunately, it seemed the universe didn't agree with that sentiment. (The universe which he helped save, by the way.  _That_ universe didn't seem to agree that he needed a break.)

"Ahhhh!" he screamed, staring at the terrified looks of his classmates' upside-down faces.

Whatever it was that was holding him by his ankle burst though the door a second later.

"I am Groot!" Groot shouted triumphantly.

"Oh, good," another voice said from the hall. He sounded suspiciously cheerful. "Guys! The tree has found tiny arachnid boy!"

Thor stepped into the classroom a second later.

"Oh, no," Peter whispered just as the rest of his classmates gasped and shouted and cheered at the sight of the Avenger.

They seemed to remember Peter a moment later when Groot's long tree arm shorted, bringing him closer to the tree for a tight, upside-down hug.

"I am Groot!"

"Groot, put me down!"

"Ah, there you are."

Peter Quill, the Star King (Galaxy Lord?) sauntered into the classroom, looking smug. Drax, Mantis, Rocket, and Nebula walked in right behind him.

Well, Rocket  _was_ right behind him. Before he scurried up Peter's leg and sat atop his sneakers.

"Kid, that's not how you're supposed to hug people," he snickered.

"Tell Groot to put me down!"

"In a moment," Quill said, holding his hand up and looking like he was trying to be cool. He wasn't being cool. "First, we need you to settle something for us about— _Thor_. Pay attention!"

Thor handed back the cell phone to one of the girls in Peter's class. They were all practically swooning at the sight of him. Most of the boys too.

"Sorry, yes, yes. We need your help tiny arachnid boy."

"It's Peter," Peter said.

"Yes, yes, of course." He posed holding a different girl's phone in front of his face.

Quill rolled his eyes. "Will you stop taking pictures with everyone you meet? We're on a time schedule!"

"Well, I can't help it if the ladies love me. I am a god after all," Thor reminded, grinning for another selfie, this time with a group of boys.

"A big, muscular god-man," Drax added. "He does not bring shame to his people."

"Gee, thanks. For that." Quill huffed. "Okay, fine, I'll just ask now. So, Piper—"

"It's  _Peter_."

"Right yes, well, when we were on the planet Titan—"

"What is she doing?" someone screeched. They were backing away from Mantis, who's hand was reaching out as antennas were glowing.

"I sense great fear in you," she murmured.

Rocket finally jumped off Peter's foot. "Well, no shit!  _You're_  the one scaring him, Mantis! Just back away, ya creep."

"Yes, because you are ugly," Drax reminded.

Mantis beamed. "Yes, I am ugly."

Peter groaned.

"Anyway," Quill turned back to Peter, who was still, he wanted to remind everyone,  _upside-down_. "So, when we were all on Titan, who was the one to come up with the great plan to defeat Thanos?"

Suddenly, the classroom went silent. It lasted nearly three seconds before they all broke out in hushed whispers.

"Well, Spider-Boy?" Quill demanded.

"It's Man-Spider," Rocket corrected.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's tiny arachnid boy, like the man-god said," Drax chimed in.

Peter groaned. "You guys do know that a secret identity is supposed to be, oh, I don't know, a  _secret_?"

"Well, what's the fun in that?" Quill asked, frowning.

"Yes, that does not sound fun," Drax said.

Thor walked back to the group, patting Peter's shoe. "It's definitely much more fun for everyone to know who you are."

Rocket hummed, looking at him face-to-face, which he could do since Peter was still  _upside-down_. "Eh, I don't know guys. Maybe the kid has a point. If everyone knows who you are, it's so much harder to steal stuff."

"I don't steal stuff!"

"But you  _could_."

"That's not the point of this!" Quill shouted.

Finally, someone spoke up, saying something Peter had desperately wanted to hear.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Groot put him down," Nebula said, her eyes rolling. "I don't even need to breathe, technically, and just watching him makes me feel like I'm running out of air."

"I am Groot…" Groot said sadly before opening his arms and just  _dropping_  him.

"Ow," he mumbled, clutching his shoulder.

Quill was pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay, this is taking way too much time. All we want to know is whose plan it was to defeat Thanos when we were back on the planet Titan!"

He looked at Peter, nodding sagely and not-so-subtly pointing to himself.

"Uh, Peter?" his teacher called out. Her voice was surprisingly steady for someone who looked like they were two seconds away from either kicking everyone out with a baseball bat or pissing herself. "What is this strange man talking about?"

"Strange man?" Quill repeated. He huffed dramatically. " _Strange man_? I am Star Lord, lady. Captain of the Guardians of the Galaxy."

"Yeah, never heard of you," Michelle pipped up, looking  _bored_ at the whole interaction. She'd even finished her history test and was doodling on her arm.

 _How on earth does she do that_ , Peter thought to himself in exasperation.

"Don't worry, madam," Thor said, putting his hand on Quill's shoulder. "He's with me."

"Uh, no." Quill slapped Thor's hand away. " _He's_ with  _me_. It is  _not_ the other way around, Thor. Remember,  _I'm_ the captain."

"Yes, yes, of course. You're the captain." Thor smiled, looking like he was amusing a small child with their extravagant fantasy.

Slowly, Peter started backing away, hoping everyone forgot about him.

No such luck.

"He's escaping!" Mantis cried out.

"I am Groot!"

"Groot, wait, no—!"

Aaaannnddd he was upside-down again.

"I have a test to finish," he said, trying really hard not to make it sound like a pathetic whine. He only partially succeeded in that.

"And we just have one question." Quill said, squatting down. "Whose plan was it?"

Peter sighed.

Fuck it, he thought.

"Doctor Strange's."

The whispers started around the classroom again.

Quill frowned. "What? No, before that."

Now Peter frowned. "What do you mean before? It was Doctor Strange that told us what we needed to do."

"No, before he did that, you know," he moved his hands around his face. "Weird thing."

Peter wished Groot would drop him again and put him in a coma.

"Remember?" Quill prompted. "It was right after we stopped trying to kill each other."

"You mean when Mr. Stark told us—"

"Ah, so it appears it  _was_ the Iron Man's idea after all," Thor said in amusement. He clapped Quill's back. "Looks like you owe me a beer."

"Actually, he owes all of us ten beers," Rocket pipped up.

"What the hell, man," Quill whined. "I was going to give you some beer too if you sided with me."

Peter blinked. "I can't have beer, I'm only sixteen."

"I had my first beer was when I was ten!" Thor boomed.

He filed that away to tell Aunt May. "And you can't bribe someone  _after_  you ask them the question, it doesn't work like that."

"Sure, it does," Quill said, standing. "Well, there goes my bank account, I guess. Thanks anyway, kid."

"I am Groot," Groot said, brining him in for another upside-down hug. This time, he put him down gently.

"You are all a bunch of idiots, I don't know how my sister could stand you," Nebula mumbled, sharpening her knife as she followed them back out the door.

There was deafening silence for a good minute before Thor peeked his head back into the classroom.

"Tiny arachnid boy, aren't you coming?"

"…I have a history test."

"That is a shame." He walked back into the room and handed Peter a giant mug. It filled up with an amber colored liquid. "This is the finest beer the Asgardians have to offer."

Then he left.

Everyone's eyes were back on him.

Fuck it, he thought again.

He drowned the beer, finished his test, webbed home, and crawled into his bed, praying everyone forgot about what happened in class.

"Peter?" Aunt May entered his bedroom. "Why did I just get a call from your principal about Thor and some other ragtag aliens visiting you in your history class?"

He groaned and flopped onto his bed.

"Fuck," he mumbled. So much for a boring day.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read all of this and I somewhat amused you, please at least comment a "XD" or a "<3" so I can know I'm not just getting pity kudos... 
> 
> (Though I am also not opposed to pity kudos...a writer will take what the readers will give...even if it is scraps...)


End file.
